Wednesday, August 3, 2011

T - 25: Reclaiming My Domain

You might have noticed this was published on a blogspot address for a few days. In the midst of the needless legal drama in which I recently found myself, I forgot that my domains were set to expire in July. For some reason, I didn't get the renewal notifications, probably because email to my domain hasn't arrived since May. I didn't notice that, either, because of all the time I was wasting dealing with someone else's delusion for the last 3 years. If I'd lost my domain after 12 years because of that, I would have been utterly ticked off. But I didn't, thankfully.

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I needed some me time today. So I kept to myself. That's one thing I learned to honor in my 30s. I never was much for parties and yet, I ended up at more parties in my 30s than in my 20s, which mostly only served to remind me that my gut was right all along. This was particularly true in grad school, where the guy I was not dating (only holding hands, meeting families, being jealous of every man I dated) hid the best of himself, his spirituality, his natural attractions, and played a dime a dozen role to fit in with the worst element. He begged me to do the same, literally dragging me by the arm when I tried to walk away from bigots. As he became less and less him, I became more and more me and realized more than ever that I don't need the crowd or its approval, but I do need mine.

Like anyone else, I do need a certain amount of human contact, but with at least as much regularity, I need to be by myself. Whether it's quiet I crave or something on my mind, creating or daydreaming, I need an afternoon, a day or an evening all to myself regularly. The irony of this is that I have a lot of amazingly close, long term friendships. I think, if I didn't have that quiet time, that time to get in touch with myself, I might have even more friends, but certainly not the same quality. They are amazing people and they've all been amazing friends to me, which I value more and more each year. One of my longest friendships will be 25 years long as of this fall. That's being blessed.

This week, I'm having a Harry Potter movie marathon. Tonight: Goblet of Fire and Order of the Phoenix. Right now, I need to be reminded that evil may win a battle, but good can prevail in the end...or at least I can write it that way.

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